What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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