I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
