SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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