How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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