So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
