I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
