I wanna bring you to show and tell
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
