We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
