I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
