He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
