On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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