Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
