At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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