best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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