Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He? As in you personified your dick?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
