I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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