Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
