don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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