so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
