The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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