cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
