Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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