I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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