Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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