Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
