Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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