Need sex. Gaining weight.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
