she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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