You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
