She's JV to your varsity
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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