He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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