And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
