Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Come share oat with me in your robe
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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