i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
