Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
