He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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