What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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