I accidentally had phone sex last night
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
