Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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