You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
