I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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