Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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