i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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