You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
