Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
