my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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