I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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