I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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