So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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