I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
