how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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