Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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